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July 23, 2010 / Donna

EURO ENGLISH

…… and now for something a little ….um … different!!

American-English

While living in England, Benjamin Franklin wrote a document aimed at reforming the alphabet to simplify the cumbersome English spelling. His ideas influenced Noah Webster, who had been working on a plan to remove irregularities and superfluous letters, while retaining as much of the traditional system as possible. Ben was 52 years older than Noah, and passed away before the first Webster’s Dictionary was published in 1805. Ben was certainly the more radical of the two. If his innovative ideas had been accepted by Noah, we would be reading a more fonetic language today. Take a look at the next (tounge-in-cheek) story.

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Euro-English

The European Commission has just announced an agreement whereby English will be the official language of the European Union rather than German, which was the other possibility.

As part of the negotiations, the British Government conceded that English spelling had some room for improvement and has accepted a 5- year phase-in plan that would become known as “Euro-English”.

In the first year, “s” will replace the soft “c”.  Sertainly, this will make the sivil servants jump with joy.  The hard “c” will be dropped in favour of “k”.  This should klear up konfusion, and keyboards kan have one less letter.   There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the sekond year when the troublesome “ph” will be replaced with “f”.  This will make words like fotograf 20% shorter.

In the 3rd year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be expekted to reach the stage where more komplikated changes are possible.  Governments will enkourage the removal of double letters which have always ben a deterent to akurate speling.  Also, al wil agre that the horibl mes of the silent “e” in the languag is disgrasful and it should go away.  By the 4th yer people wil be reseptiv to steps such as replasing”th” with “z” and “w” with “v”.

During ze fifz yer, ze unesesary “o” kan be dropd from vords kontaining “ou” and after ziz fifz yer, ve vil hav a reil sensibl riten styl.  Zer vil be no mor trubl or difikultis and evrivun vil find it ezi tu understand ech oza.  Ze drem of a united urop vil finali kum tru. Und efter ze fifz yer, ve vil al be speking German like zey vunted in ze forst plas.

Author unknown

Namaste!!

Donna

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